Friday, 26 October 2012

To Write About Writing

I know what the majority of people think when they hear the word “poetry” – that bitch of a topic that is the downfall of most students. We despise it. But why? Is it the backwards language we fail to comprehend?  Or the pointless themes, such as birds and blackberries. Maybe it’s simply a step too far outside our comfort zone – the one in which poetry is an unwarranted foe, gnawing at our brains like a dog would a bone. Not in a million years did I think that one day I would be sitting here, stressing to you how poetry was, and still is, my mind’s own private counsellor.

I began my poetic journey when I was a mere thirteen years old. As you can imagine, my talent was quite raw and tarnished back then. Nevertheless I found it fascinating and became something I would practise on a regular basis. However, it was soon evident that I was not destined to be a ‘happy’ writer. To this day I struggle to create happiness on a blank page. Another aspect of my writing is that everything is deeply personal. I can fake a smile no bother, but my words seem to strip my heart bare every time. I found the confidence to put pen to paper through a friend; a friend that has clicked so many pieces of my jumbled-up life together. For this, they deserve a thank you, at least.

I guess a lot of people don’t understand why I do it. I write because for me, it’s a release. It’s a way of getting anger out without fighting, or tears without crying. Somehow having my emotions and thoughts on a page in front of me sometimes tricks my mind into believing those feelings have disappeared. Poetry is like therapy to me; if not better. Also, it’s something I can control. One of the few times you are the master of your emotions is when you are writing about them. I have almost always put my poems on the Internet. The websites will remain unknown for the purpose of this. Do I want my acquaintances knowing every detail about me? Not particularly. I make them public because people relate to what I feel. Getting a message from someone halfway around the world saying they know how you feel is a great sensation.

Since this post is based on me being a writer (of some sort), I suppose the final step is to showcase for you some of my half decent pieces. Just remember – I’m not forcing you to read these. I didn’t force you onto this page. You chose to be here, and if you now choose to read these, please refrain from insulting and/or downgrading them if they are not to your taste. These things require feelings and a heart; it’s not my fault if you don’t have them. Enjoy.

Her Life Was Broken 

A lonely feeling sinking in,
As she sits alone on the shore,
She sits and smiles, and waits a while,
For then the tears will pour.
As she stands, her empty hands
Miss her lovers touch,
The sheer delight of her in sight,
Gave an overwhelming rush.
She wishes to be in her dreams,
A place so far away,
Where she can feel that love so real,
She misses every day.
Just a kiss would be enough
To satisfy her heart,
What she craves, her lover gave,
With the simplest of touch.
A waterfall among the trees
Lets out a gentle sigh,
It notices her blemishes
As she begins to cry.
Even though her heart is sore,
The rose continues on,
'Til winter comes and hides the sun,
And every petal is gone.
Then at the cliff she'll say to herself
"So many words remain unspoken"
With one last breath, she'll take a step;
Her world was just too broken.

Want To Remember, Need To Forget

I take a breath, "Just one more"
I utter these words
Knowing that's all they are;
For every breath I breathe
Is just one more without you.

That's all I am, just one person
I can be replaced,
I'm just one less heart to worry about
And since you know it's broken,
Why worry? I can't feel it anyway.

I wish I could forget
All those "Remember when.." 's
But since I'm the one reminding myself,
I don't even go an hour without remembering

It's like an alarm that I can't switch off
The pounding of rain, I can't control
The beating of my heart that won't stop...

So just one more time,
Remember when you loved me
Please remember.

You're Just A Memory

Alone in the open,
The silence speaks for itself;
Muttering a thousand sorrows
In the language only the heart understands,
The one I wish I wasn't fluent in.

But still I sit here, alone,
And listen to the whispers
Carried by the wind
That your body once kept me from.

I hear your name, I catch my breath,
I feel not even your shadow;
But the ghost of it,
Singing our favourite lullaby
Grasping every tear as it falls.

I wipe them away and think:
Each one, a memory with us we'll take;
Each one, a memory we'll never make.

I Wrote You My Love

I know my heart sang off-key
To the music coming from yours
But what if I told you the sound didn’t matter
The lyrics mean so much more.
I feel a tear fall from my eye
For every note you wrote for me
Now I’m left to sing alone;
My love as the melody.
I used to know the sound of your voice
I heard it every day
But like our love we once spoke of,
It slowly faded away.
I take a pen and write the words
That came from within your heart
“I will always love you, friends or not,
We will never be apart”
With our song, the ending came
The part we left unwritten,
Now, alone, I fill in the blanks
The history that had to be written.
Humming along to every bar,
My heart still knows the beat,
In my head it’s so hard to forget
When the song is still stuck on repeat.
Maybe one day I will play guitar
The way you played my heart
But for now I’ll take a bow
And let the symphony start.

Life Just Isn't For Me

Gone is all the happiness
I felt before today
Gone are all the memories
You helped me wash away.
Back are all the nightmares
The crying on the floor,
My soul is crushed, I wasn’t enough
You don’t want me anymore.

So at night I lie out under the stars
Under the thundering rain,
Wondering why I won’t let myself die,
Only drown in this breath-taking pain.
In darkness I walk this aimless road
Not caring where I’m going to go,
Life is for the living – but I’m already dead,
You killed me with such a hard blow.

So as I run away from this life
I ask one thing of you before I go:
Dig six feet down and five feet across,
Bury me – I want to go home.

No Matter What (I Love You)

Like that one star
That no matter where you are
It always shines the brightest,
You will always be with me.
And the stars I saw when I kissed you
Will watch over me
So that no matter how many mistakes I make
I never see our love as that.
In fact, I will always be a part of you,
First love never fades
And you,
You will always be the love I wish had lasted
My one regret though,
Is that I could not record every moment with you
Every tear of happiness, and of pain
I relive it all, every day, without you.
Touching your hand
I felt a connection that ran so deep
It touched my heart, made it skip a beat.
Holding you near me, though I couldn’t breathe,
Took my breath away every time.

It seemed effortless
How you could take my heart for days
And I could still survive on your love alone.
I had never seen the sun rise
And I missed it that morning also,
Your passion refelected from upon my lips onto the mirror
And it blinded me.
I could not see or hear,
But as you pulled me closer, it became familiar,
It was love.
As you lay next to me
Although I was so wrapped up in your love,
I could feel myself shaking.

That night we wished the world would freeze
Now I know why,
Things change, like dawn to dusk;
At first your world is full of light
A new journey reeling you in,
But day is too short and night is too long
And like our love
It’s over before it had time to begin.

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