Friday, 28 September 2012

December 21st 2012 - Is This Judgement Day?

So, how many of you reading this have already made plans for 2013? I have. In fact, the whole world has. Movie release dates have been set, holidays have been booked, concerts have been arranged; Doomsday is the elephant in this massive room. According to Mayan predictions, the world is going to end on December 21st 2012. The Earth is going to be bombarded with natural disasters left, right and centre. Is it not obvious that we have come to the end? Simply think back to the floods in Cork over summer. I mean for crying out loud boy, if those Douglas lads didn’t have you convinced that two feet of water is a sign, then I don’t know what will, like.

Also, the Mayan era was a mere 6000 years after Ireland’s Mesolithic period. Of course I am implying that man could make a rather large transition from hunter-gatherer and first farmer to future-predictor/ world-ender in this relatively short space of time. Heck, it’s only four years since the Recession started. Give Enda and his posse another 5996 years and imagine where Ireland could be.

Something I find quite captivating and downright amusing is the way in which people react to this prediction. I brought up this topic with my mother merely a few moments ago, and her response was rather… unexpected, to say the least. It was the first she had heard of the theory (she doesn’t get out much) so understandably her answer was “I f**king hope not”, with shock ringing through her words. When I asked as to why it won’t end, she replied “I won’t let it ruin my Christmas, that’s why”. Simple as. Others, however, firmly believe in this ráméish. Many websites and documentaries fuel the minds of the silly (*sighs* there is no better word) people that actively encourage underground shelters and preparation for all to end.

But surely it would take more than one day anyway to destroy an entire planet. It took seven days to create the world, right? So it’s only logical that it takes seven days to destroy it. Therefore, due to our current geographical location on this planet being somewhere between the target areas (i.e. Earthquake and volcano locations), we should have a minimum of four days more than the Americans or the Russians. Karma for the wars, bitches. So yes this means Christmas may still proceed, even if half of the Earth is being destroyed due to an enormous amount of global warming and well, general cataclysms. On the plus side, we could have a White Christmas. Ho-hum.

If my opinion on the whole charade isn’t already clear, no I don’t believe the world will end in a few months. Unfortunately, I live in an age where hype is a form of sadistic mind-control. It is likely that by December I will have been sucked into this global vortex of speculation and panic. No doubt I will find myself becoming more and more aware of every little detail around me. Such as the Penneys voucher I forgot to use or all the clothes with the tags still on them that I must wear at least once. My opinions will be unleashed like the tornado that will devastate Singapore (not a 100% accurate theory), and I will destroy anyone that has ever gotten in my way. My wrath will continue on to all those who have squandered my precious time in the past. The voice of the woman in the “no-nonsense car insurance” advert – you shall be exiled to the Pacific Ring of Fire.

Putting everything into perspective, I think we all know nothing is going to happen on this needlessly dramatic date. When all the commotion has passed, life will carry on and the believers will find excuses, and set yet another wonderful date so this whole fandango can start again. Yet I wonder how many of you will send one cautious text or make one careful phone call the night before, just in case.

1 comment:

  1. I'm with you on the voice of the advert. but since when did we put things in perspective? Feel bad that 10th September went unacknowledged- is 9/11 overshadowing it? Loved your poem.Actually no- I pretty much enjoyed all of your September blogs. Now I need to go and frustrate somebody else with a vague comment! Would a letter really make that much difference? C.H.