Does this one really need an introduction? I think the title
says enough. But just to clear it up, I’m going to be discussing the way I
see the female population. And it’s not all batting eyelashes and innocent
giggling, oh no. It’s so much more than meets the eye.
To begin with I’d just like to state one thing: Girls over-analyse
everything. Without even realizing, I quickly looked over that sentence,
making sure everything sounded and looked okay. God damn my female tendencies.
It’s almost as if it comes naturally to us. One example was last week when my English
teacher corrected my homework that I was oh-so proud of, she wrote “Overall:
well done”. If I was a guy, that would be that. But as a girl, questions
whizzed through my mind “What does she mean by ‘well done’?” “What grade would
that be?” “Why didn’t she say something more specific?” “Were there any
mistakes?”. A typical example of
over-analysing something miniscule.
Another example of
that is texting. You can change a girl’s whole mood by putting one less “x” or
simply forgetting a smiley face. If you’re a boy texting a girl and you don’t notice
the mood change; God help you. Part of it is for attention and to see if you
care or not, but most of it really is to do with over-analysing the text. If this
happens, one of two things are bound to occur: 1. She’ll start panicking and
read over the whole conversation to see where she went wrong, and then try to
justify it; or 2. If you drop an “x”; she’ll drop two. If you forget a smiley;
she’ll use a full-stop. If you reply with something that isn’t a question; she’ll
reply with “K”.
Yes that is very unfair on the male population; the poor
things have to ‘run the world’ and deal with women’s mood swings. Aww. See,
us women would be more suited to those jobs. Want to know why? We can
multi-task.
As you can see, I can definitely point out a few male flaws,
but that’s for another blog. One of the worst features of girls has to be how
unbelievably bitchy we are. It’s like a sick hobby. But the worst part is it’s
addictive.
It’s crazy how you could be sitting next to a girl in class
and you both would get on great, but the minute that bell rings, you ignore
each other again. Girls are so blatantly obvious about it as well. If a group of
girls are gossiping about you, it won’t take long to figure it out. They will
all be staring right at you as if they’re invisible to you. It’s like girls don’t
understand the meaning of the word “discreet”. I think the most horrible part
is that if a girl has a problem with you, she will destroy you. I don’t mean
physically either. You couldn’t possibly expect her to fight; she could break a
nail or smudge her make-up. She will hurt you far worse: emotionally. A girl
has the ability to tear you to shreds with her words. I’ve had this done to me
and also have used it in my favour. It’s a nasty trait to have but sometimes
quite a useful back-up.
Briefly, as a sort of interlude, I’m going to rant about
girls getting ready. “Oh my God WHAT am I going to do; I only have six hours to
get ready! *starts crying*” It’s times like these I wish I was a guy. What could
you possibly be doing for six hours?! You’re not that ugly. All you need to do is do your hair, do your make-up, and
put on the clothes (which there is usually very little of anyway). I understand having a shower needs to be
factored into that but unless you plan on hosing down every square inch of your
body, that shouldn’t take any longer than fifteen minutes. If it does, I’m
afraid you have a hygiene problem.
Okay, rant over. Back to a final extremely irritating characteristic
of girls. The way they suddenly change from sophisticated and respectable, to
complete brain-dead bimbos when there is a male in the vicinity. Why?! Are you
trying to make the entire female race look like twats? I’d love to know how
many guys actually find it attractive when a girl acts stupid. “Aw man look at
her putting sellotape on her friend’s face, I want her”. I strongly doubt that’s
how it works. The sad part is guys probably think that’s what girls are like
all the time. It’s not.
Oh, and something else I find intriguing: how girls can
magically transform at lunchtime. They go from looking like someone dragged
them through a hedge backwards in the morning, but by 1:40 it’s like someone
spread a rumour that Andrew Garfield was in the building. The best part though
has got to be the surreal amount of make-up they layer on their faces. How do
they not notice the obvious orange divide between their neck and their face? I will
never understand.
This is where the very bitchy phrase “Plastics” comes from. Well,
the movie ‘Mean Girls’ also helped, but you know what I mean. For those of you
that are unfamiliar with the term, it’s us girls way of insulting other girls
that cover themselves in make-up, dress up as sluts all year round (regardless
of the season/weather), and hate all the friends in their group. Oh and they
take it in turns going out with each other’s ex-boyfriends. Any names come to
mind now? In the music video for ‘Misery Business’ by Paramore, there’s a great
metaphor for girls like that. Hayley (the lead singer) gets a cloth and wipes
the whore (pardon my French) of the school’s face, wiping away all her make-up
and with that her supposed good looks and apparent arrogance. It just shows
that yes, maybe by decorating yourself in fake looks you’ll get a guy, but what
happens when he wakes up before you in the morning and sees your true colours? Just
saying.
To be fair, the majority of girls aren’t all those things I’ve
spoken about. Maybe they have one or two of those traits, but that’s understandable.
Sorry fellas but you’ll never find a girl immune to them. And if you do, you
might want to check “her” medical records, ahem, if you know what I mean.
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